The Joys and Sorrows of Single Motherhood

Life as a single mother has been a mixed blessing. From the moment I discovered I was expecting to the present moment, I've known a love for my son that only a mother can understand. Through all of the joys and sorrows, I hope that one day he understands just how much I love him and that I've done my very best to do the right things for him. I'm also far from perfect and have learned so much about myself and being a parent through him, as well as from my own experience growing up in a single parent household. Some of those pearls of wisdom are below with the hope that they provide comfort, strength, and resolve:

Love your children unconditionally. Children need to be accepted for who they are, not what you would like them to be or what you need from them. Your role is to be there for them and meet their needs. Those needs change over the years, so your adaptability and openness to those changes is key.

Being a perfect parent is impossible, especially as a single mom. Parenting a child is meant to be shared together by two. That is no longer the case, so don't try to fool yourself into believing that you can do it all. You can't and it's OK. Making mistakes is inevitable. Don't be too proud to apologize to your children when you make a mistake. You will teach them that you are not perfect, that it's OK not to be perfect, and about forgiveness.

Support your children's relationship with their father and don't badmouth your ex. Children need both a father and a mother. What happened between you and your ex has nothing to do with your kids. Don't put them in the middle or ask them to choose. They love you both and deserve to love both of your freely. If your children are in danger, that's another story, but do not take the law into your own hands. Do the right things the right way. Your children will respect you for that later.

Don't spoil your children to overcompensate for the divorce. This includes buying them everything they want and being over lenient. Give them tough love when needed. Children won't admit that they need it, especially when they are headed in the wrong direction. It's how they feel safe. You're not their buddy or enrolled in a popularity contest. Friendship with your children comes much later.

Only bring a man into your children's lives who is committed to you and is respectful of your responsibilities. Your children want you to be happy, but bringing every man you date home will only confuse and upset them. They also get attached and will hurt just as much as you do when he's not there anymore. Also, date on your own time. Your kids are your first priority. Don't make them feel otherwise.