Reflections on my college years...

It was my freshman year in college and, suddenly, I was completely on my own. Fortunately, I had a job as a waitress that paid pretty well in tips and a car. A place to live was an urgent need, so a friend where I worked offered me a room in her house to rent. Over the next few years I moved several times until I found a little apartment that was just perfect for me and my budget. As I didn't make enough in tips to fully support myself, my dad took over full responsibility for my tuition and my maternal grandparents provided furniture and other things that I needed to ensure that I stayed in school. That and they couldn't understood what my mother had done.

I was always close to my mother's parents. In many ways, my grandmother loved and took interest in me more than my own mother had. I was so fortunate to have her in my life until I was nearly thirty. To this day I still miss her unconditional love and acceptance. My grandparents were the only source of unconditional love I've known through most of my life.

The relationship I had with my dad was more of a struggle. My situation gave him the opportunity to make up for years lost, but I was no longer the little girl that he remembered. I was a young woman and that was hard for him to accept. He also struggled with the ability to provide emotional support, which as a young woman finding her way in the world, I so needed at times. My dad believed that being a good father meant providing financially. That was the way he was able to show his love. I truly appreciated that he was there for me in this way and I didn't take advantage. I was too proud and independent. The problem was that it came with conditions. When you give from the heart there are no conditions. Looking back, I know my dad didn't know any better and did the best he could. Unfortunately, I didn't receive emotional nurturing from either of my parents. They didn't have it to give. Over time I've had to learn to give it to my self.

More than seven years later I graduated from college. It took longer than I had planned, but I reaped the rewards of perseverance. Not finishing college was not an option. I had something to prove. By the end of my sophomore year, working full time at night, going to school full time during the day, and maintaining a place of my own had taken a toll. I was sick constantly and my grades were sub par. With my dad's consent, I made the decision to transfer to evening school, find a full time day job, and continue waiting on tables on weekends. Blessings followed. My new employer provided tuition reimbursement. I gained valuable experience in my field on the job. Most importantly, my grades improved substantially. Life was good again.

During this time I also found love with someone who would become my husband and teach me many more life lessons.